C-BAD-030
Barista: Mikey Jenkins
Date: Jan-15-2020
Receipt: C-BAD-030
Subject: Omens
Alright, I’ve run the scans. Twice. Then a third time, just to be sure.
The verdict? Yeah. It’s a dead end. Officially.
CaDCom’s full scanning suite—LIDAR, thermal, seismic resonance, you name it—shows nothing but solid rock on all sides. No secret passages. No hollow chambers. No sneaky little tunnels for us to Indiana Jones through. Just cold, heavy, unrelenting stone.
Now, obviously, ████ █████’█ ████ █████████ ████████████ ███’█ █████ ██. ████ ██ ███ ██████████ ██’██ ███████ ████—███████ ███ █████ ███ ████ ████ ███████████ ████. But according to my very expensive, very fancy BaristaTech? No hidden doors. No tunnels. No escape. Just us and the walls.
Which, you know, is exactly the kind of thing you wanna hear when you’re deep underground in a centuries-old tomb that a literal goddess of war just told you is, well… a tomb.
Maybe we missed something. █████ ██’█ █████-████████. ██████ █████? █████ █████? █████ █████? █████ ████████████ ███████████? Or maybe—hell, maybe this is it. Maybe we already stepped through and didn’t even notice. Or—y’know—it’s a trap. It could always be a trap. Usually is. But if ███ ████ wanted us dead? Yeah. She could’ve done it already.
None of these are particularly comforting theories! But hey, that’s life in the Cafe, right?
Right now? We’re sealed in a stone room, possibly in a realm that doesn’t play by any known rules.
And █ ████ ███████ is watching us like a smug dungeon master who just knows we missed the obvious clue.
Ugh. This is almost as bad as one of Jenny’s dungeons. Almost.
…Remind me again why we thought this was a good idea?
Decaffeinate Receipt
“34D 2x(V=lwh/3) D=96.”
Video Game Trivia | 4 Words