TPA01
RECEIPT #001
FILED UNDER: DINER-TPA
DATE: 1/2/96
EMPLOYEE #17
I bring some troubling news, my caffeinated colleagues. I've received word from numerous sources that there has been an inexplicable increase in train derailments, engine failures, and general vehicular mayhem and mishaps. Now, while I would be inclined to believe this is further work from Mr. Hazen, we have already sorted that order out. Additionally, Mr. Hazen isn't so… precise with his mischief. He is a creature of id, driven to dismantle indiscriminately. The targets of these recent, dare I say, disasters seem largely connected to the Open Doors Church and its associated organizations.
Of course, I haven't been able to tie everything together yet—namely, the train derailments. As for the various engine failures, it seems that those affected have in some way opposed the Open Doors Church or its parent-lead committee, SATAN S.U.C.K.S.S. In many cases, those who have stood in the way of the Church and its activities have found themselves dead. Those who still needed to be alive, however, merely had accidents severe enough to turn them to the Lord in a frightful panic. And who do you suppose was there in their hospital room to welcome them with open arms? Yes, of course, Padre Santos.
It's quite clear that Padre is having Mrs. Pleasant work her deadly and disastrous charms. Though I still can't entirely see why. As I mentioned earlier, it would seem that there has also been a string of train derailments. In all cases, various chemicals and raw materials were stolen from the trains. The recent crash of Mr. White's private jet was possibly more concerning. While Mr. White is fine, a few of his wares were stolen. I fear that the Open Doors Church is working on building… something. Though I am unsure what. Worse, it would seem that Long Beach is falling further into its insidious tax-free treats and sweets.